Devdas

My goodness I'm so in love with this movie. I've seen it being recommended on google but i never really did watch it. It was a burst of emotions that seems so foreign to me yet so familiar. The heartache it gave me, the songs, everything is just so wonderful so depressing. Its a beautiful kind of sadness. It's so difficult to be put into words. Btw, Deena was the one who introduced me to it unintentionally. She was just asking if it was supposed to be that depressing and I was curious so I watched the darn film. The songs, omg the songs it was familiar, very familiar in fact cause i've heard it multiple times on vasantham i think. And this song, Silsila Yeh Chahat Ka, its so gorgeous. Aishwarya Rai was beautiful in the movie and the actors and actresses were on point. Mahduri was the excellent courtesan with the wonderful moves and Shah Rukh Khan was Devdas obviously with his amazing actor skills and he was so good at potraying the confused Devdas, unsure of what to do with this love he found himself in that was forbidden in a sense of caste and family name. Oh dear how am I gonna let this excitement bubble down. I feel like Ive drown in the beauty of this movie that uses the tongue of peotry. I may not truely understand the deep meaning behind each of the scene but i do see myself rewatching this when ive matured a bit more to see what ive missed out being in my 20s or even last year as a teen. For now, I shall just let myself be dose in the goodness of Silsila Yeh Chahat Ka.

My heart felt

Natasha Bedingfield is making me feel so much weird emotions. HAHAHA now I'm currently having clinicals and its great however kinda worried about my results. Woodlands have accepted me based on my interview so now its pending cause of my sem 1 results. Oh dear.

SCREWED

Whatsup future Mairah. So i solved the very tedious process of logging out of my google account. So troublesome. Its 3 in the morning and I'm not sleeping cause some genius decided it would be fun to put two test on the same day. So yeah. And why am I not studying instead? Cause stuff is bugging me. And the actual answer to all your problems is to put your trust in Allah and put in effort. AND obviously having tons of patience is key too. May Allah resolve this problem. Ameen Edit: Late night rant is obviously filled with loads of mistakes. I just wanna say sorry. Cause I complain to you a lot. And I rarely talk about the good things in life. In syaa Allah I'll talk about good stuff in the next post. I love you.

Bad week

Hey there. Just realise I'm bad at socializing. Maybe that's why I'm always left out and always a second choice. Bye Update: And now they wanna take my kitten away

To the past and future me

Hey there. I just wanted to say that it really all worked out in the end and i mean now. Despite your results, you got into diagnosic radiography and its pretty rad. HAH! Okay except physics. Btw see what i did there? Okay you might be annoyed that i'm not capitalising my "i"s but its just that i'm not in the mood to be corect. I feel weird. Like I pissed someone off and this person means a lot to me. I'm not sure but to me it seems like she's avoiding me? Maybe its all in my head? But i'm a bad friend for forgetting her birthday. I'm not keeping track of my days nowadays and its just horrible. Btw Muizah got a kitty and i just call him kucing kecik for now. But i doubt my efforts to not be so attached to this creature is all in vain cause i adore him. Even much so cause he lets me kiss his cheeks. hehehe so cute . I'm not sure if im doing the right stuff for now but let's just treat everyone with kindness. I FEEL LONELY :C i'm very lonely. i'm not doing it right. I hope the future is better for you honey bun. I love you dearly and I hope you have seen the light of day when the storm has passed. Peace

AWESOME DAY EVER

So today was an awesome day cause SENPAI NOTICED ME HAHAHAH no but the thing is that Mr Sark noticed me on twitch chatroom hooomaigosh i swear. He is awesome and you should check out his vid man. His edits are amazing and super funny. He just said "to hoppityhobbit yes nick(nfen) has a youtube channel and you should check it out" it was during a live stream and he was playing nazi zombie 3 with allshamnowow, nfen and aplfisher who won in cs:go and was late for the party. Then sham said something about his youtube channel and nfen was saying " yeah you should check my youtube channel ...." and he was just jesting sbout sham's gamer tag. Woahhhhhh just thinking that he noticed me is like amazing. HE KNOWS I EXIST hahahaha okay I'm being real creepy right now. But this is something worth remembering cause i'm just a lowly fan and he answered my qn. Maybe its also thanks to the guy to replied to me on the chat too. Thanks man! Appreciate it loads! C: Future Mairah i hope more awesome things to come happened to you my friend. Peace

Down in the dumps

I'm feeling down today as you can see from the post title. And its 10.16pm. Yup I'm kinda shocked too that I'm posting quite early cause I mostly reflect around 2 am. I guess it must be pms. So I just got my results for A's back and the results are horrible. No surprise there really. However, it really narrowed down my choices and that's awesome cause I think I know what I wanna do in the future now. I know that I really like kid from a certain observation I made of myself. Yes I observe myself cause I dont know me that well. I'm really hoping to look back and read these post to wonder why I was so worried in the first place. I know I need a plan b if this doesnt work out. But man I never thought of making it into a career. Cause I fear making drawing a bothersome and tiring thing. Its what makes me feel relaxed and I have the power of expresing myself despite the picture being totally irrelevent to how I'm feeling. However the detail that i put into my drawing reflects my mood. I love video games too so I guess it suits me. But I'm not sure if Singapore has a space for me. As in the field of work I'm interested in. Dayum there's so much to think about being 20. Do you experience this extential crisis too? Ja' feel? I hope I'm not the only one cause I'm the type to feel calm when I see that people do go through these moments and lived to tell the tale. How am I gonna get 12-20 artworks? GYAHHHHH.....must...persevere....i need advice real bad :C

Thanks and my life

Hey there people who read my blog whose probably cringing at the fact that my language is so bad. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this crap. Well whether you're just clicking through random blogs or anything, I just wanna say thank you for taking your time to read this sentence. I'm pretty sure I'm not worth the 2 min that you spend depending on your reading speed. Hey I don't judge. Maybe I do it subconsciously but I don't mean no harm. I had a great day yesterday which is just a few hours ago in the asia pacific region however it didn't start off quite as well. For starters, mom got mad but mostly frustrated due to the cats peeing literally everywhere. Have no idea what they were trying to pull off but if it was to piss my mom off (pun not intended or maybe I did) they freaking succeeded. However, as I have promised my friends, I went to my school's open house and my goodness was the choreography for modern dance awesome. So proud of the my little juniors. It wasn't perfectly executed but it was a decent performance that attracted the crowd. It was fun and playful and that definitely represented us as dancers. Kinda sad that I can't be involved with dancing anymore. Welp, it was fun while it last and I guess I have to find some other fun things that are permissible to do. And I am glad to finally see my cute and cuddly friends. They are very loveable people. And Seri was there too! Happy to see that she's fine. However, sometimes it strucks me so hard how lucky I am to be living this life. And I'm saying this cause my friend is feeling down in the dumps due to family circumstances. I pray to the greater being to grant her mother good health and a long life. Please let this be a blessing in disguise cause she's lived through some tough situations and I'm scared that if anything more were to happen she might break. So that was the summary. I may have left a huge chunk of it but hey, let me keep some stories to myself. Thanks again and have a great day! C:

All these feels and no face to vomit my thoughts to

To fall in love and have it reciprocated seems like such a wonderful thing. My goodness. Maybe it's just the time or maybe it's the manga I just read or even this hindi tune in listening to. How does these chemicals in our brains actually function or be secreted? Like for example just one day and your brain decides,"You know what buddy? I'm gonna make you fall in love with this person so bad that communication just doesn't work for you but you just have to try and signal to this person how you feel about him/her." Like why? WHY YOU DO THIS BRAIN? And it's so weird how they say the heart does the thinking in relationship when it actually doesn't. The heart's function is just to pump blood all over into your system and has no part in making you blush when you look that person in the eyes or get real careful with the words you use in order for that person to not be creeped out by you or avoid you because that just regresses the filling of the relationship vial of some sort. You know like the sims with those kinda stuff where you have to talk and joke to make it rise or fall depending on how often you interact. Okay now let's just talk a sec about having another person possesing the same type of feeling towards you. Now that is something close to a miracle I must say cause I have yet to feel it. I mean telling is a different thing but feeling, it's a security thing? I mean assurance. And you know how some people just stay single all their life? Well I have a theory for that that some might think is kinda something to squint your eyes upon and it is that these people, sadly ,are unable to find their soulmates cause they probably are dead. And that means that it's just a sad thing that they did not get to cross paths while both of them were still alive. And so I believe in the afterlife and not just due to my religion. Anyway, in the afterlife, they will figure out a way find each other and 'live' happily ever after. And isn't that just great? A greater being made another half of you in this world and this person will love you for the rest of his or her life and will not leave you and will wipe the tears off your face or argue with you about even the nitty gritty stuff however, it is all solely due to the choice that they made and that is to be with you. It's not like they were stuck with you like how families are and how they just have to live and deal with it. Totally no blood ties at all and this person can leave any freaking time they want but they CHOOSE to stay and that is amazing. Like our parents. They chose to be together. Well, unless it was an arranged marriage and they can't get divorce or something. And sometimes the greater being bless both of you with children that have some traits,good or bad, from the both of you. Just wow dude. Anticipating a love life like those in the hindi movies or the books may be too much but I hope to find the right man with the right values that loves me with all his heart even when we are all old and wrinkled and I hope that I can love him like that too.

It's kinda sad how the people who need help the most are those who keep encouraging others. And they are ironically the stubborn ones when it comes to their own problems. I am currently reading an amazing manga called Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re too. Kaneki Ken is this man who takes it upon himself any harm cause to the people he love. He thinks it due to his incompetence that these people are hurt and I really think that is sad. And it's kinda complicated how some may regard his kindness as some sort of twisted self-interest. However, i think it is a noble act to do whatever you can instead of depending on others and risk them getting injurt. Some say that it is due to his inability to come to terms with loneliness that was triggered by the death of his parents and when he suddenly found out that he was a different kind than he used to be.And due to that selfishness, to not want to be alone, he strive to protect everyone. I don't think it's wrong to have such mindset though. Anyways some problem cropped up in the household again and that is the reason for my rambling. Pardon me for I tend to write irrelevant things when problem arises. Kinda like me trying to escape for a bit ya feel me? Welp back to reality and this awesomesauce manga. Damn am I happy that Ezaidah recommended this to me.