It's 1.29 in the morning

Hey guys or rather whatsup future Ummairah. I'm currently an unsolved rubik's cube in a way that I'm a mess now. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a horrible day when its results day. What am I gonna do with my life? I hope you have it all sorted out man cause I'm really in a state of lost-ness if that's a word. Btw, A levels is over. And I kinda feel like my life is too. I guess I'm just scared that people will comment on how I did and diss me and some may even give me looks of pity for God knows what reason and I hate that. I know I didn't put in effort and I'm just really lost. I wish you could come warn me about certain things in the future cause trying to solve it by myself is tiring me out. And its difficult having parents who thinks that there is only one solution to a problem. Like according to the education system in Singapore, the only way you can earn big bucks is to go to a university and get a decent job but I dont want that path. Is there no alternate path? Like seriously? Even after freaking 50 years of independence (not that it links up) but seriously though? I guess it's just that there is imperfect information going around here but it is known that the arts are not that well embraced in Singapore if I might say. I hope it changes in the years to cause I'm out of options and it feels like there is nothing else I can do. I've hit a roadblock. And I'm trying to find work too but the corporate world seem so scary and foreign to me. They ask to have interviews and I'm scared I can't meet the demands of these people. I'm inexperience and I have no diploma. All I have is my O level cert and that's it. Nothing attractive right? I'm currently just drowning myself with sapping manga and all that. Anyways, seems like my sis is feeling the pressures of marriage. I mean she's not married but people are pushing her to get married? You get me. You always do. I have four cats btw if you don't recall. Mui'za,Reda',Caramel and Kirara. Kirara is abang's though despite him not really taking care of the kitty. That side of him makes me mad. I kinda feel better though there is still heaviness in my heart. Oh and today was the first time I watched Mean Girls. Hahaha! Still have other movies I have to strike off my list. Goodbye for now. C: Stay strong

My Engrish

I realised how horrible my language was in the previous post. Or maybe it has to da with my maturity level. HAH! Anyways, had a great time these past 2 days. On monday, we (my sis and myself) had an outing with her friends. They are a great bunch. We went island hopping if you know what that is. For those curious, go google it. Hehe~ Naw I'm gonna tell you. It's just riding a boat to 3 different islands. The first was St. John island which is connected to Sister's island and the third is Kusu island that also means turtle island in Chinese. And there was this schedule we had to follow or else we will have to spent Christmas on the island. We'll technically we don't celebrate it but it's a public holiday. And my family went somewhere but I'll talk about that later. Apparently my sis and myself were late as Kak Z.,her friend, bought the 10 am ticket. It was probably the last ticket so we had no choice. She manage to stop the boat for us(thank God for her) and made it on the boat. We were dropped off on the first island and had our breakfast there. Kak Harveer got us Jalan Kayu's famous roti prata (it was beyond delicious) and she got herself and kak Z. nasi lemak. It was because of that and the trip to atm that got the taxi late to pick us up. Anyways it was a nice getaway for us and we could also see from the island that heavy rain was pouring all over Singapore. HAH! (This was like a draft and was a recollection of what happen previously and I actually went on a trip with them and kak nadia to KL. It was fun and full of good food. Not sure of the date of this post thought)

Hello back after 2 year. What's new?

Yes 2 years is a long hiatus but here I am again. I realise I only come back to write down things on this only when I've hit a road block. Like in 2012, there was my impending kairos year and now that I'm 19, I'm facing A levels and I'm not doing anything, like totally no effort at all to try to do well and get into a decent university. And apperently, seems like Google bought you in the last two years I have come to visit this rather morbid site. I mean I do write some nasty stuff here and just pour out my heart in these posts and thats why I call it morbid. Not that others post the same stuff as I do. My vulnerability is exposed here. Well it always was even in the real world. Whoever is reading this, like anywhere around the world, thank you so much for being an audience to my boring life. And congrats for making it through this far too. I often question the purpose of me going into jc. Was caving in to mom's request worth it after all? I'm not even sure if I'm actually blaming my mom for this. Maybe my view has been twisted as I'm easily influenced by others and most did point out the fault was in me. I have the rights to my own future but its hard to dictate it cause sadly even I can't see how i might end up later in life. Am I'm pretty sure I have yet to reach the lowest moment of my life and that scares me. Cause definitly, eventually, everyone have to go through it sometime. But please, to the Almighty, please make the roads and mountains that fill my life a tad bit easier to concur for I am a lowly human that needs guidance. Hopefully I will find a stable job that I enjoy the environment and the field of work. I wish you guys the best of luck for the next step of your lives. And if you're not inspired to change, think of how much time you have left and how you want you life, your mere existence to make such an impact upon others. To those who think of an easy way out, please don't I beg of you. You may be at your lowest but that means that the only way is up. You're like an arrow on a bow and the drawbacks you face just means that you will be launched into something pretty amazing, like an apple? Apples are amazing and so tasty. I like mine peeled. How about you? Okay off tangent right there. Go earn some money. Use it to travel the world or whatever. Treat yourself. Be kind to yourself and others. And the most important is to have fun. I hope that I can heed my own advice too. Have my own goals and all that ish. Till next time. Smile always